July 03, 2013
Sitting in my living room, sipping on a cup of “just right” coffee and glued to the television, I begin my morning’s laughing until it hurts. On this day, Steve Harvey ends his segment with an even more hilarious joke. And, I think to myself, “what a great start to the day!”
Excited for more hilarity, I was surprised when the program sudden shifts in tone from happiness to somberness. Noah, a 12 year-old, round-faced, handsome boy poised beyond his years is introduced. He quietly talks about what it is like to be deemed different and discredited—a target of bullying: “I was thinking of committing suicide after the kids kept bullying me. They called me ugly… I didn’t think anybody cared. I was going to kill myself on my 13th birthday. I thought to myself who ever said, ‘Words don’t hurt?’”
Steve asked Noah’s mother, “How is it to hear this from your son?” The sadness in her voice was as striking as her words, “I had no idea what he was going through. I found out when I received a call from one of his friend’s mother. This past weekend he had posted on his Instagram account that he was planning to commit suicide on his birthday. He also posted images of his arm where he has been cutting himself for the past two months. My heart sank. I knew I had to do something. We immediately took him to the hospital.”
His mother continued, “While waiting in the ER, I took to Facebook. Noah has been dealing with bullying for the past year. He has been feeling alone and left out, ostracized from old friends and a misfit among new kids. Noah is getting treatment, but he needs people to rally. Which is why I've created the website Letters for Noah and a Facebook Page.”
Noah continued, “Thousands of people I didn’t even know sent me cards and e-mails telling me to hang in there. I didn’t know people cared.” When he was asked why he wanted to tell his story, he said, “I wanted other people to know that they are not alone. Other people will help you!”
Noah has turned his experience of victimization into one of empowerment. Strangers reached out to him with loving words. Their support helped Noah feel reconnected. Noah’s story reminds us of the power of receiving kind words. The support Noah received could be defined as a “holding environment”—a community of individuals who spoke with compassion and hope for his recovery that became nurturers who soothed his pain. Noah actively accepted this show of love and is now demonstrating how to use his story to help others. Stories can be a gift that keeps on giving by connecting us out of our isolation. Words of support by strangers created a loving community, a container of love that held and lessened this young boy’s pain. Noah’s story has the power to warm our hearts. I believe that suffering is diminished when we witness love in action. This kind of love is how stigma, hate, and fear are transformed.
Noah’s story is an example of the transformative and restorative power that hope and access to an inclusive community can provide. People who experience homelessness, mental illness, trauma, and/or substance use conditions are often met with stigma, discrimination, and prejudice—all of which are forms of bullying. Noah has shown us what helps. As strangers, professionals, and lay individuals, each of us can reach out, include others, show care, and share stories to form a community that provides a lifeline and roadmap to recovery. I believe that people are our greatest resource and source of healing and hope.
Chaudoir, S. R., Earnshaw, V. A., & Andel, S. (2013). “Discredited” Versus “Discreditable”: Understanding How Shared and Unique Stigma Mechanisms Affect Psychological and Physical Health Disparities. Basic and Applied Social Psychology, 35(1), 75-87.
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